Road to Rehab: The Intro

Luckily, there was a time pre-iphones, pre-instagram and pre-blogging – yes, this time existed; not well documented but real none-the-less. For this reason, my early days of motherhood and even my most recent pregnancy were not well documented (they said I was supposed to glow ffs!!!). It’s because of this lack of documentation and the fact I’m so busy juggling just to stay in the present and make sure everyone is at football training on time, that I sometimes neglect the past – don’t pay it homage – don’t appreciate that it’s made me who I am and take for granted that not everyone who reads my blog or follows our lives on Instagram is a mind reader, and knows why I say some of the things I say, do what I do or feel so strongly about some things.

Road to rehab during motherhood

2009 – This is picture of a depressed, self-loathing mother, struggling to catch my parental breath; but keeping a smile on, ‘cos that’s just what we do, right?!

When I briefly touch on subjects like PND, divorce, anti-depressants, rehab, meeting Mr OG or becoming a “blended family” – I love that I get an influx of questions, comments and support; but I feel like a fraud, not giving all the details and leaving out the juicy bits, the bits that (I hope) might help someone, give a sense of not being alone or just offering another side of motherhood- an alternative to the glossy, Boden-clad dream that first-time (or anytime) mothers can often be brainwashed into believing is the norm.

I’ve wanted to write about these subjects for so long, but where to start? How about the beginning?! Over the coming weeks and months (bear with me, kids tend to fuck with the flow of productivity!) I wanna take you on my “journey” – partly so I can see it laid out in a neat chronological order (those kind of things make my inner control freak happy!), in part to help anyone who is living any part of it and so the next time someone says, “you’re so lucky/your life’s so perfect”, or feels the need to judge me on a parenting forum (!), I can direct them to the road map that got me to where I am today and show the path to perceived pixelated perfection has a bumpy undercurrent of epic fails, self-doubt and enough tears to rival a Green Mile/Marley & Me marathon.

So, consider this your introduction, the contents of my motherhood adventure thus far, laid out below – if you fancy sticking around for a bit of a fuck me, that was a crazy ride adventure then welcome aboard! If not, that’s cool – keep on scrolling to my other posts which will still pierce through this cathartic journey like rays of monochromatic and child smattered sunshine.

The Contents of MY Motherhood:

  • Mum at 21 – PND and first-time motherhood. (I kinda touched on this in THIS blog post).
  • Mum of 2: 23, a toxic marriage, self-loathing and a boob job.
  • I Need Help Please: Depression, Citalopram and Me.
  • Rehab Review -addiction, codependce – who am I?
  • D.I.V.O.R.C.E
  • Single Mum, Benefits and Cleaning Other People’s Bogs!
  • Building the Life I Want at 28.
  • Mum/Step Mum of 5: Finding Mr Right, new mum again and turning 30.

This story really is as much about you as it is me, so I thought (self-doubt is screaming “no you twat-muffin, no-one wants to know!”) after every “episode” I’d open it up in the comments below to anyone who wants to ask any questions on the topic, then answer them on Instagram live at a set time or a Youtube video – thoughts and comments on this welcome. If there’s no comments below, I’ll get the hint, this is maybe more about me than you?!!

 

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10 Comments

  1. Roro
    September 7, 2017 / 7:39 am

    Thank you. This will make a difference. It will undoubtedly cost you. In terms of vulnerability. Being honest is rare. Honesty connects. Falseness divides.

  2. Victoria
    September 7, 2017 / 7:43 am

    Love this post, your honesty is very uplifting. I honestly think I have suffered BDD from a very young age but never been diagnosed. I am almost 41 now and life is tough. Ive just recently been prescribed anti’depressants again and although they are helping a little bit they do not make me feel better about myself. It has and is destroying relationships and now that I have 2 beautiful young kids, I am really worried that my negativity filters through to them, my 9 year old daughter in particular. How do you even sit with a GP and tell them you don’t like who you are or what you look like?! My friends joke that I am a nightmare for being very self-critical but itd honestly how I feel. There is another part of me that says grow up and stop comparing yourself to everyone and appreciate what you have. It’s not as.easy as that though, is it?! Xx

  3. Rhian turnbull
    September 7, 2017 / 8:03 am

    It’s so reassuring when you read someone’s blog that you follow on insta and naively believe they must have always had it all together! As a mum of three boys, citalopram taker, almost full time midwife and previous addiction issues, I am so interested in reading your story. You are super brace for putting it out there and I, for one, know that it helps to feel like there are others out there who may have been on the same bonkers ride. Much love

  4. Kate
    September 7, 2017 / 8:11 am

    Your past defines events but does not have to define who you are …you are an excellent example of this. I will read your blog with interest , identifying with parts as many of your readers will. People will say you are BRAVE to tell your story and you certainly ARE but please remember that you don’t owe anyone any explanation ( I know you do know this but negative comments about ‘perfect life’ seems to have got under your skin). Sorry, I don’t have a question just wanted to put a positive comment as you deserve positivity x ?

  5. Chantelle Jones
    September 7, 2017 / 8:14 am

    A youtube video would be great (can watch when the kids are in bed lol) but i would love to her your story.I get why people think “oh her life is perfect,she can’t have depression or aniexty,what’s she got to be depressed or anxious” I’ve had my own journey with aniexty and depression (a month off my job at a school because I just couldn’t cope anymore) But hearing stories from other mums would help alot x

  6. Tristin
    September 7, 2017 / 2:57 pm

    I just recently found your Insta a few months ago, and I’ve just loved following you more and more! Thanks for being willing to open up and be vulnerable, and for helping us moms fight back against the lie that IG moms are “perfect” and we’re all just barely keeping up. I’m so sorry you had to go through such a mess to get where you are, but it’s not in vain. You’re helping so many women!!! ?

  7. Lauren
    September 7, 2017 / 10:30 pm

    Would love to hear your story Jess, you are always so open and honest and one of the bloggers I most look forward to reading/watching when I’m scrolling through instagram! I’m such a dork! Sorry! Well done for sharing! X

  8. September 8, 2017 / 1:38 pm

    Even if it should be about you, and nobody comments (won’t happen I’m sure but I want to say this anyway)… why not? It will be good for you to write it all down and get it out in the open. It will make you feel like you’re getting a grip on it all. It’s post-processing, something we need. And maybe also closure, why not?
    I am ill for the moment, and I’ve decided to open up about it, not keep it secret and I don’t want to be discreet. I’m using my blog for that, partly to keep family and friends and acquaintances up-to-date, but also for myself. Some sort of diary, I can go back and read how it went and how I felt, and maybe it’ll be useful to other people.
    Which I’m sure your blogposts will be. Useful. To yourself. And to other people.

  9. Laura
    September 8, 2017 / 8:01 pm

    I’d love to hear your story. As a fellow mum suffering PPD. Thank you for putting yourself out there to help others. Would LOVE to see more of you on YouTube x

  10. Louise
    September 20, 2017 / 7:06 pm

    Gripped for the first one… when will it be? X

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