Please don’t invite my kids to your wedding…
As the wedding invites start rolling in, who am I kidding – I don’t have THAT many friends. Ok, so, as the two wedding invites I’ve received stare at me from the fridge door, the glimmer of a full day and night, sans kids, glistens like a beacon of parental hope on the childcare horizon. I’ll be dressed like a grown up for a full day, possibly wear heels (the jury’s still out on my heel walking abilities) and can get stuck into some cheap cava like only a mother who’s left her kids with grandparents for 24 hrs can.
But it only occurred to me, halfway through chatting to a child-free friend getting hitched this summer, that the debate whether to allow kids or not to their nuptials was a fiercely roaring moral dilemma. Kid-free friends – let me put your mind at rest – don’t invite my kids! Please! In my opinion, weddings are no places for children under the age of 15 – after this age, the free food, possibility of a sip (or two) of aforementioned cheap plonk and the chance of a cheeky snog with a young relative of the bridal family, are all good reasons to be in attendance.
Still not convinced? Here’s just some of the reasons you shouldn’t invite my kids…
- Drunk parents chatting for hours to other grown-ups about boring stuff and dancing like Baz from the Happy Mondays, does not good childcare make!
- Presumably you want your wedding photos to look relatively conformist – I can’t imagine a Real Madrid kit is top of your dress-code desires, but it is for my 8 and 9 year old. So, save me the hassle of buying a whole “smart” outfit that they will only wear once and, even for that one occasion, they will scream, as if being water boarded, about putting it on.
- You’re, of course, interested in your own wedding – I’m, well, kinda/semi interested – so by the time this gets down to my 8 year old, he’s really not interested and is just wondering when he can go ruin those new chinos, climbing that ancient oak tree in the grounds of your 17th century castle venue – potentially breaking a branch and/or an ankle in the process.
- Kids DO NOT look as cute at weddings as Pinterest would have you believe!
- Mr Only Girl and I haven’t been out on a “date night” since *cue tumble weed*, oh, that’d be forever then! Let us use your wedding, and your “hideous no-child policy” that you’ve insisted on (hehe) as a great excuse for extended family to babysit.
I hope this puts your mind at rest my kid-free friends – now lets all enjoy your day without anyone having to dance with the kids – which no-one actually wants to do!