As Casper approaches the 14 month milestone, it seems like a million years ago that at this same stage, with Hugo (now 9), I was due to give birth to #2 (Bruno) any day. Casper is so all consuming, in good and sometimes in not so good ways, it really does seem impossible for me to imagine suddenly having a new born thrown into the mix. Cas and I are only just learning about what makes each other tick. This week in particular, as Cas seems to want/need/get more of my time, I’m often left thinking how the hell did I do it?
I was young (21) when project procreation began (was it too young? read this) – so I hadn’t really had a chance to contemplate the perfect age gaps for my brood. My oldest was a mere 5 months old when we discovered we were expecting again – that’s a whole 153 nights of sleep deprivation, so it’d be a fair assessment to say I was not in a sound state of mind to be making life altering decisions. My fanny had just about de-traumatised and my youthful figure had almost popped back into shape, but hey, we’d managed to do the deed (at least the once), so, like the consenting adults we were we had to face the consequences, and what a bright and beautiful consequence he’s turned out to be.
I could proceed to tell you everything about a 14 month age gap, some true, some just things I’d tell myself to justify the chaos that ensued: we got all the sleepless nights done in one go, we were still in “baby” mode so we didn’t have to learn it again, the boys would be best of buds, they’d be interested in going to the same activities at the same ages, think of the hand me downs… you could work all these out for yourself. The question is, would I do it again? The answer: NO!
The difference I have experienced between the mayhem of 8/9 years ago vs today, with one baby in the house, is immeasurable. I feel terrible when the boys ask me what they were doing at Casper’s age, or what they liked to eat – I can’t remember. Every day, although punctuated with laughter, was a long Tough Mudder, with two small humans attached, staggering into bedtime like a newborn giraffe finding its feet. I was torn between two little souls both wanting every ounce of my being 24/7, but having to share me with the other.
These days, once the big boys are at school, the day is ours (mine and Cas’) to do as we please – if this means him having a nap on me for 2 hours just because he wants me close, so be it – there’s no one else to worry about. These are the moments I’m treasuring – when I can give him all of me, without having to look over my shoulder to ensure another little being isn’t plunging an iPhone into a wee filled toilet or giving the dog a haircut.
Do I regret it? NO – I love Hugo and Bruno more than being allowed to wee in private these days. Although its been a long, hard slog, it really is worth it. They argue, they fight and they spend 60% of the time locked in battle – but I wouldn’t have life any other way! As for remembering what they like to eat, apparently I’m still not good at this, as every meal time I still hear “But I don’t like that!“.