OK, so lets face it, getting frisky probably isn’t top of your priority list after giving birth! From your POV you’ve just squeezed (all be it a small) human being from within – possibly tearing or being cut in the process; whilst from your partner’s POV to quote Robbie Williams after witnessing the birth of his child: “It was like watching my favourite pub burn down!”.
But, once you’ve made it past the wincing at the very thought of anything ever venturing near your nether-regions ever again – it might be time to start thinking about reconnecting with your baby-daddy; after all, it’s how the glorious process started 9+ months ago, so in essence it would just be completing a full circle!
There are the scary realities of having post-baby sex, but you’re really not the only ones and if we say them out loud they’re not as bad as they may seem:
- Gone are the days of wild, passionate sex marathons. You’re both sleep deprived and not firing on all cylinders.
- Chances are you’re sharing your bedroom with your new little one, so your previous little love palace is a thing of the past. We also suffer from open-plan living space – so our options are either: bedroom with baby or anywhere else where 4 other boys could discover their parents bumping uglies at any given moment! Turn off central!
- You’ve just spent all day with another human being attached to you in some way or another so the thought, just as you’ve managed to crow-bar that little limpet from you, of another person touching you and wanting your attention might make you want to scream!
- You probably haven’t even showered that day and may have baby sick mashed into your hair.
- After the fanny healing process (you can finally pee without a jug of water handy!) it’s pretty nerve wracking to think you’re willing to shove something back up there in the name of pleasure!
- There are a million things that need to be done – yes, the washing is piled high, the dishwasher needs unloading, the bed sheets need changing, you’ve forgotten where the hoover lives it’s been so long…….. but, that can wait! Your relationship cannot wait!
All this said – I know I definitely wanted to re-connect with the BF, feel close again. Amidst the choas, exhaustion, endless list of to-do’s etc. we both needed to feel wanted and desired. It’s so easy post-baby to become complacent and take each other for granted – this is the point! Post-baby sex is never going to be easy, you do have to make the effort but it really is worth it!
So, first things first, you might not be feeling like a fresh, taught 21 year old anymore, I know I don’t – parts of my body have shifted to new locations. After 3 kids my stomach muscles are well and truly shot to pieces, leaving me with a (in the words of my 7 year old) “nice jiggly belly skin!”. I’ve lost all those lovely pregnancy hormones which made my hair thick and luscious, my nails strong and my skin glow from within! Instead, my skin’s a little grey and spots have started to flourish thanks to the return of my monthly cycle; hair’s starting to look limp and greasy whilst my nails are breaking leaving ragged edges – NICE! But heck with it – Mama you’re sexy, OK, with a little maintenance first! So, take a few (‘cos that’s realistically all you’ve got with your new baby in tow) minutes for yourself and do the 4 S’s to SSSSexy!
- Shower (or if time permits bath – oooo the luxury!!) – feel clean and fresh, even if it is for the first time that week!
- Shave or wax! Whatever takes your fancy, just reacquaint yourself with your bikini line!
- Scrub, nothing feels quite as invigorating as an all over exfoliation, you’ll feel refreshed.
- Smother yourself in delicious smelling moisturiser, your skin will thank you for this mini overhaul.
That’s the mummy bit sorted now for the getting jiggy part, a few things I found worthwhile when getting back into the swing of things:
- Candles, lighting is key to feeling like a sexy cougar again! Candle light is god’s gift to the post-baby body! Sod it, if you can’t find a candle that nifty little “night light” feature on most monitors works a treat!
- Normal underwear, I’m not a fan of itchy lacy stuff (if you are, perfect,go with it!) but just for one night, ditch the giant-sanitary-pad-supporting-belly-hugging nannadax and nursing bra. Go simple and if possible (this is big ask in my book) matching colour!
- Wine, a good ice-breaker to get you both in the mood, this, along with a little conversation. Turn off the TV, shut the laptop and put the phones away.
- Lube! No-one likes friction and that’s an even scarier concept post baby!
- Sense of Humour. This is key! There’s bound to be a bit of fumbling and some noises that you wished hadn’t happened but that’s all part of the fun!
Just remember, you’re both not feeling great and are both knackered – but it’s what made your perfect little being that you’ve just brought into the world, so it can’t be THAT bad! Oh, and to ensure you don’t end up with another little sproglet just yet – condoms!!