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Mamas: Nobody’s Perfect

I’ve recently seen so many blog posts and articles in the media highlighting the fact that (predominantly) fitness/health bloggers have a responsibility to ensure they are conveying a realistic lifestyle; that their readers aren’t so hell-bent on achieving a similar toned physique it comes at the detriment of all else. It got me thinking – mummy bloggers, and mums, have a really huge responsibility not only to other mothers but mums to be. All too often motherhood can look a bit too perfect when only seeing someone’s instagram feed – everything has the perfect filter, the perfect sunshine, the perfect baby is happy, there’s no shit, puke or dribble to be seen on mother’s clothing (whoop to that one, huge achievement!) – this is just ONE moment out of thousands in that day! But when you’re at home, accompanied by little humans day in day out, suffering from PND, haven’t pissed in private for as long as you can remember and/or your hair needs a bloody good wash, not just to be scraped back for the third day in a row – that other mother’s “moment” can seem like their whole life and I know from experience you start to think: “shit, I’m not that great at this whole mothering thing”.

In 2006, when I had Hugo social media was yet to catch on for the masses, so reaching out to other mums meant actually getting off my arse and doing something – I was not keen on this idea and ended up isolating myself in a pool of “I must be perfect!” fueled by the only contact I had with other mothers and kids at the time – the Boden catalogue! Needless to say, this was not healthy for my self-worth and being the “perfect”, 50’s style mummy is sodding exhausting… Let’s trot on 9 years, 5+ social media accounts, 2 kids, depression and a divorce later and we’re not in Kansas anymore! There’s a world in my kitchen (on my laptop technically) of like minded, crazy, funny,creative, brutally-honest mamas who I can actually relate to. These mums continually remind me that it’s really frickin’ OK to not be perfect and that I really am being the best mummy I can be – just like them!

The Only Girl in the House Blog, Mama Tribe Breathe Tee by Southwood Store

When all else fails BREATHE! Tee → HERE!

Being a mum isn’t a new phenomenon, women have been nailing this shit for millenia, but the way we can reach each other and come together, on-mass has changed – this IS new and tres exciting! It’s changed so much from 10 years ago, when to find someone who not only had remotely the same interests as you, who happened to be a mum and then live within a 10 mile radius was a bloody miracle – now, tap tap tap, click, click – oh, there you are tribe! And what an all inclusive tribe these mamas can be – positivity, baby-tips and high-fives in abundance. 10 years ago I was afraid to admit that I was knackered, my nips were bleeding and that breastfeeding was not for me, I was depressed, I’d worry myself sick about the house work and that the 4 tiered Victoria sponge you were tucking into wasn’t baked by yours truly! Today, mums-on-mass are in the driving seat and it’s ok to shout out: “I’m struggling can someone help please!” or even to just say “No, I didn’t conjure up that honey-cured bacon and stilton quiche – it’s from Lidl.”. The millennial mums have arrived and we’re doing it our way!

So, here’s just some of my home truths, that if I can remind at least one other mum that she’ doing a great job than I’ll be a happy gal:

  • The photos on my instagram are one of at least 20 that I’ve snapped – there’s a deleted file full of eyes shut, moustache too obvious, baby looking drunk, kids picking their noses etc.
  • It’s currently 13:13 on a Wednesday afternoon and i’m still in my PJs!
  • My ironing pile is sooo huge, we’ve kinda given it its own room (formerly known as my office!).
  • I only really get on with the washing when the kids finally run out of school shirts!
  • I didn’t breastfeed any of my children (if you wanna know the full story behind this one, head HERE).
  • I bribe my kids into behaving in public – a lot!
  • I quite often forget to send the boys off to school with coats when it’s due to rain.
  • I’ve forgotten about non-school uniform day (only once though, that was traumatic enough to not be repeated!)
  • I lie to my kids on a regular basis.
  • 9 times out of 10, whatever I’m doing it I’m either completely winging it or I just watched a YouTube vid on how to do it!
  • My kids make me pay if they know their images will be used on instagram or blog posts! (please don’t ask the going rate – it’s extortion!).

But you know what? I’m ok with all this – cos I really am doing the best I can and my kids still think I’m pretty fab!

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It can take quite a few pics before the perfect one happens!

And if my home-truths feel like only the tip of the iceberg, check out these amazing, bad-ass, hot-as-hell mamas who are seriously rockin’ motherhood but not afraid to let you know that they’re not always as perfect as a Rise or Valencia filtered picture might have you believe… Mother Pukka, Mother of All Lists, Parry.plus1, House of White, Dress Like A Mum & LindseyCBowers, to name but a few!

Then there’s so many amazing places for mamas to hang out together and I’m not just talking about the village hall, surrounded by brightly coloured foam singing “The wheels on the bus…” for the tenth time; no, no – get your red-lippy on (even if mascara is a thing of the past, red-lippy will always look like you’ve got your shit together!), grab your sproglets, grab a cuppa(perhaps with a sprinkling of vodka?!) and haul ass to one of these hot-mama-hang outs: Mothers MeetingsThe MamaHood and Crafted Sisterhood.

So, the moral of my tale – let’s all just keep it real, we’re all on the same team – love, encourage, trust and share with one another. PEACE OUT x

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9 Comments

  1. Alexis
    September, 2015 / 7:42 am

    love this, burnt the kids porridge while reading it ?

    • September, 2015 / 8:23 am

      That’s cool – cos you’re doing the best you can, remember!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

  2. Kate Hasson
    September, 2015 / 8:25 am

    An ironing pile?! Good for you. I (sometimes) put the clothes away and only iron the baby’s clothes when absolutely necessary ie…when my mum is coming round! Otherwise I’m hoping that ‘crinkled chic’ will be in fashion any minute now. My boyfriend has replaced all his work shirts with non-iron ones now. Even he can’t be arsed to do it!
    As for the breastfeeding thing…as a midwife I have been taught that breast is best. I teach that breast is best, I help and support and give plenty of time to new mums and their latching and positioning and feeding. If that’s what they want. When it came to me however..my baby latched beautifully, she fed well and on demand, I got through those first two weeks of excruciating pain when she went on…but I hated it. Loved the cuddles and the fact I got some time with my girl when there was a steady influx of visitors, but it made me miserable and fearful of the next feed. I hated that I was constantly popping out a boob only for her to have a casual look around in a cafe and leave me there- nip on show. I hated that she constantly seemed hungry even though I knew she couldn’t be and all people would say was ‘oh she needs to go back on’ and I absolutely hated the support group I went to that couldn’t see or hear what I was trying to say. ‘Help me with this, I’m struggling’. I carried on for 4 months but the best thing I did was stop. For me. Mentally. We all know nutrionally that breast is best, there is no arguing that, but really what is best for babies is having a happy mum and one that is doing what is right for her. So big up the bottle feeders I say! Xx

    • September, 2015 / 8:57 am

      Aha – you’ve therefore caught me out on another mummy-fail – the ironing pile only has to exist because when you cram as much as I do into the machine and then leave it in the tumble dryer it becomes unrecognisable! I even make non-iron shirts like shriveled up muslin! As for breast vs bottle – couldn’t agree more! Huge high-five for making that decision though, that’s a toughy! I’ve always kinda been pushed onto bottle out of infection, but to decide for your sanity that you need to make the shift that’s super brave! Brava Miss H! x Lots of love, especially the one you helped birth (Hugo) x

  3. September, 2015 / 1:44 pm

    I follow you and lots of other mums on Instagram, and it’s easy to get a kind of distorted view of motherhood from it! I think people are starting to be a bit more real on there, which I love. thanks for sharing a little slice of your reality!

  4. September, 2015 / 8:11 pm

    I still don’t understand why they make kids’ clothes in fabrics which need ironed – I’ll admit we got a couple of lovely new baby outfits which only got worn that obligatory one time because there was no way I was going to be doing any ironing with a newborn to look after!

    • September, 2015 / 1:28 pm

      . . . or for that matter, why make adults clothes that need to be ironed?

  5. September, 2015 / 1:21 pm

    Amen, sister! If we moms routinely supported one another instead looking for the faults (which I think is motivated by making ourselves feel better), we could all relax a little more and that alone would help us be better parents. I have a whole category on my blog devoted to all my Mama Moments — the good, the bad and the completely embarrassing. Over time, it has turned into one of my favorite areas about which to write and to read from others. Thanks for keeping it real! I’ll try to do the same.